July 2015 – June 2016.
Blonde curly hair, tanned skin, blue eyes, a tight arse that you just want to grab. We met in Australia, two years ago. When I first met him, he was so cheeky I loved it, there was something special about him, I knew straight away he liked me, you can just tell cant you? and I knew I wanted this to work out instantly.
We began texting every day, talking on the phone, sending cute quotes to each other, I started to feel special like this was defiantly going somewhere…could it be a travel romance maybe more?
As the months rolled by, We ended up moving into a share house together with all our friends, It just felt magic, so fresh so new. We was having so much fun together it was exciting, brunch together, lovely walks, playing cards, eating dolly mixtures, I was excited to come home from work each day to see him, he would come and meet me from the train station grinning from ear to ear this is it I thought. I couldn’t believe I was feeling like this so quickly after meeting him, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. All my friends liked him, told me how nice he was. I could of burst with happiness.
Another month went by, I started having small doubts nothing major just a few weird gut feelings…but I thought I was overthinking as this is something I am a master in. I usually fuck things up because of overthinking, so I thought get a grip and just go with the flow.
I always wondered why he was very protective with his phone, you are saying I should of walked away right then shouldn’t I? typical sign? He would leave his phone facing downwards, and was always on it, and it would ping very regular. I just learnt to try and forget about this but it was always there in the back of my mind.
Another worry was how closed of he was, how he didn’t talk about his feelings, but as he said to me over and over again that’s just the way he was, people deal with things differently and he cant help the fact he is like this. So then I felt bad, just because I am a open book…does he have to be? Is it really his fault?
By December after being together for five months, He got in trouble with the police for having weed on him, so he wanted to leave the country as he had to go to court. We both got really upset about this situation as we wanted to spend Christmas with our friends in our fantastic house. I told E I would go to New Zealand with him, as long as we was together that’s all that mattered. I would of done anything for this man, I wanted to make things work more than anything in the world.
We spent the following six months in New Zealand together I started having doubts but had completely falling in love, I thought all couples have little problems right? with E it was never a relaxed relationship…I always felt like I was trying to make him happy constantly, I sometimes wondered why he didn’t have opinions on things and was a very closed book about everything, he didn’t like me drinking, so I constantly felt like I was walking on egg shells. If I talked to a bloke I would feel like his eyes where piercing through me, I just never felt comfortable anymore, and I started to notice a change in my personality. We had many nights out where he would get very angry if a bloke talked to me in a club, he told me I liked the attention, and that I encouraged it…the truth is I didn’t, I felt so lucky being with E. I realised he was controlling at the time but I always convinced myself he is like that because he cares about me, I started to become this different version of myself…timid, a yes sir when sir find of person.
After six months in New Zealand we went back home. I stayed in my hometown and E stayed in his for two weeks, I think deep down we both knew their was problems but the main problem was we couldn’t let go.