Two blue lines.

Feb 2017. continued.

Me and E broke up in January 2017. He had been constantly messaging me calling me, turning up to events, Trying to come to my house intoxicated. He told me he had made the biggest mistake of his life and he would do anything to get me back, he told me he had changed and I was the only women he cared about and would ever love. Girls does this sound familiar? Tell me am not the only one who kept falling for this bullshit?

I knew I never wanted this man back, the things he put me through where evil – After one night out I was very drunk and E turned up in the bar, crying and staring at me for the entire night, telling me how sorry he was, Yes am stupid and I did feel sorry for him, we did sleep together that night. Your reading this shaking your head if you have read my other posts. How much abuse do you want to take, before you realise enough is enough? why would you let someone treat you this way? where is your respect? I know all this. That’s probably the reason I was so broken because I knew how wrong it was for me to let him back into my life again, even if it was just for sex.

A few weeks later

I usually get my period the same time every month, I was a week late but I thought there is no way I can be pregnant I convinced myself I wasn’t. I told E my concern he brought me around two pregnancy tests. Of course it came back positive. Like the law of attraction says when you want something so much it comes true the law of attraction doesn’t know circumstance. ( I had been broody for years and often thought about having a baby…I am 26 years old.)

I took the test through to E and said ” Its positive.” He was shocked but said he would support me, be there for me no matter how hard it was.

A month later.

He didn’t support me, he tried to blame it on, sent me abusive messages couldn’t understand why I wanted to keep this baby. Said it wasn’t just my decision. I told him I wanted to keep this baby and he could support me, I even gave him the opportunity to make amends to give things another go.  He put so much stress on me I decided I was putting myself and the baby first and moving to my hometown when the baby was born. When I told him this he hurled abuse at me calling me a slag which is a common word he would call me, so that day I slapped him in the face, he gripped his fingernails into my thigh that hard it left a bruise. After this incident we didn’t see each other until scan day.

He couldn’t understand this and was very angry about it, another reason I was going move to my hometown was because I wasn’t entitled to any benefits down here and had no support. I promised him he would be fully involved when the baby was born. He spent most days sending me abuse, telling me what a disgusting person I was, how he hated me and would rather have anyone as the mother of his child apart from me, these messages didn’t stop. I begged him, am pregnant just do the right thing and accept my decision.

I found out a few weeks later he was seeing a new women this really broke my heart I just couldn’t understand why he was even thinking about new women. He said to me I didn’t want him back and she was a distraction. It cut me up I just couldn’t get my head around it, I started to feel a lot of anger, but a lot of people told me this is how men deal with things…but that didn’t make it any easier.

E knew I was very skint and he owed me a lot of money, he didn’t pay me any money back, It was never about money it was more about respect – but by now I should of realised he was seriously lacking in this department!

I tried to get through this pregnancy with as little stress as possible, but I had become very stressed…I had to stop taking my anxiety medication I wanted to give my baby the best chance.

 

strength

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