“Its under your pizza!”

I have been in my hometown for two days now, tonight we are going out for dinner with my family. I put on my leather jacket, pick up my small backpack and give my hair another quick brush, picking up my headphones of the bench. Its so hard to make an effort with your appearance when you really don’t care about anything. I am trying to move on and think of the positives in such an awful situation, but the idea of going back to this town where I have moved down south, the idea of bumping into this toxic ex who has caused me so much stress scares the fucking life out of me, people say just ignore him but trust me that’s easier said than done, this reptile has caused me so much stress for the last year.  I still love him, and I just cant wait for the day when the feelings go.

As I walk down the hill, the wind blows in my hair, and I look around and think back to all the good memory’s in my childhood, chasing my sister down the hill, going to the beach, sitting on the benches drinking white lightening , working in a local chip shop with my cousin Stacey, playing curby, playing In the fields, painting stones and trying to sell them, going to church on a Sunday for the free sweets,  Then I think to myself …..”Everything will be okay, bad things happen to good people.”

As I walk into the upmarket pub and restaurant , the black Marble bar is glistering, I walk up and I am met by a friendly smile of a small gentleman with messy light brown hair, ” What can I get you?” He asks me.A large glass of wine.” I reply.

I walk into the busy restaurant, glancing around to look for my family. There they are getting rowdy already and it only six o’clock I smile, nod my head and slowly walk over. I am met by smiles, I greet my mother who I have been living with the last few days I pat her shoulder and she looks up at me with a big smile. My auntie Dee gives me a big cuddle and rubs my shoulder ” Hey….are you okay, we are here for you.” Dee says slightly swaying from side to side. My cousin Stacey is chilled back in her chair sipping her large glass of wine, Stacey is the cousin I went travelling with she is more like a sister…the crazy girl who try’s to pretend she has a cold heart but there really is a teddy bear inside. She reaches up and gives me a cuddle “Hey.” she says. Stacey’s new boyfriend stands up very tall, rugby build, with thick dark hair and a welcoming smile. ” Nice to meet you, I have heard a lot about you from what Stacey tells me.” he says with a smile and a short laugh.” I give him a cuddle. Then I look over at my cousin Luke, who has obviously had about 8 pints, he gives me a wave. Luke is Stacey’s brother, who wont speak to you unless he is drunk, I can never decide if he is shy or has a massive chip on his shoulder, but soon as he has that drink…he gains a large glass of confidence!

I sit down with my family, and take a large sip of my rose. Everyone is looking at menus deciding what they would like to eat, ” I will have a vodka and coke, for my starter.” Auntie Dee says laughing. Dee is always the drunkest one at family gatherings doesn’t help the fact her and her husband own a small bar in the local town. Stacey laughs shaking her head, which is a cheek considering when we was on our travels she got banned from most hostels for getting mouthy when she had a drink.  Luke is still in his work clothes and is on his sixth pint and you can tell doesn’t really care about ordering food, he obviously know has a taste for lager…maybe its the sunshine.!

” Can I please have the haggis pot for my starter followed by the pork steak…Can I have veg instead of salad please.” I tell the messy haired barman. Who at this point can tell most of my family are getting rather merry. Everyone else orders, along with a alcoholic drink. My auntie Dee is singing at the table, having a little dance. Telling Stacey’s boyfriend how much she loves him, and what a lovely bloke he is, A takes the compliments very well “Thank you very much.” He reply’s with a laugh in his strong Scottish accent. Stacey is making eye contact with me and slowly shaking her head smiling ” Another normal dinner.” She says. I look to the left of me and Luke has spilt his lager all over the table, and is trying to mop it up with a hankie, making it worse.

Our starters come, my mother is the quietest one of the family and just laughs when her sister is acting silly. Stacey has a four cheese soup paste with some soda bread, I have a haggis pot and A ( Stacey’s boyfriend)  has mussels. The only thing I don’t like about eating out is when someone touches my food. I tuck into my haggis putting it on my soda bread. I watch as auntie Dee reaches over to Stacey and takes a dip of soda bread and dips it in the cheese paste. ” Mum.!” Stacey shouts… ” I will give you some.”  Stacey continues. “ooohhh.” Dee reply’s.  Dee looks over at my plate and picks up my fork to have some of my haggis. ” No Dee, use your own fork, I will give you some soda bread.”  Dee enjoys the haggis.



We have finished our starters now, and we are all chatting, Luke is talking about how he wants to go travelling again but wants to find someone to go with. ” You need a women, but no married women.” Dee shouts. The messy haired waiter looks over smiling at us, ” Are you single?” Dee shouts over. The waiter laughs. Stacey hides her head in shame, Luke just laughs. ” Nothing wrong with married women.” Luke says. I roll my eyes at him ” Get someone who is not involved with anyone else , if someone is married stay clear.” I say. There is never any point saying anything to Luke because he never listens, always thinks he is right.

Lager spills on the table, As Luke starts to sway more and more. ” I wish you was my mum, instead of Dee, your head is more screwed on..” Luke says to my mum. ” You cheeky little shit.!” Dee shouts. ” Your girls are a bit thick though.” Luke says, talking about me and my sister. This is standard Luke behaviour, he has his own personal issues, he is unhappy in his life situation so he try’s to bring other people down. Luke is a good looking 28 year old, stocky build with piercing blue eyes, he has never had a serious girlfriend just one night stands, he enjoys going out in my aunties pub and playing golf, he comes across rude in social situations when he is sober but I think he is a little bit anxious.

Curly head comes over with our main courses, everyone tucks in. My pork is a little dry and they have gave me salad instead of vegetables but I am not one for complaining in restaurants, I know what its like after being a waitress in Australia. Luke tucks into his burger, almost spilling it down his chin he is eating it that fast.! My mum and Dee have got a pizza and chips to share. Dee couldn’t be less interested in her pizza, she cuts the pizza in half, then asks me if she can go for a cigarette. ” I ain’t your mother.” I say to her with a laugh. Dee rocks to the door, shaking her arse to the music. Dee comes back in ten minutes later, and continues to chatter without even tasting her pizza. We ask the waiter for a pizza box so she can take it home.

Luke decides he is still hungary and reaches for Dee’s pizza box and brings out a large slice of prawn pizza, but becomes distracted from conversation so lays his pizza on the lager soaked table. We ask for the bill. “Where is my wallet.” Luke shouts, swinging on his chair. “Its under your pizza.” Stacey laughs. Of course it was.

 Scarlett xx



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