I put the plug in the bath, turn the hot tap on and pour some purple imperial leather in the tub, inhaling the smell of the lavender, I press play on my mobile and listen to bob Marley. When I am stressed I love to lie in the bath, listen to relaxing music and put the world to right.
I strip of my night dress, my socks and take the tie out of my hair. I look in the mirror and get a fright when I see the reflection staring back at me, I barely recognise myself, dark circles under my eyes, pale skin, spots and my dark hair all matted and greasy. I lie down in the tub, close my eyes and think of everything that has happened these last few months and I take a deep breath.
I think back to a happy time when I was in Bali, Indonesia with my cousin Stacey. We had saved our money from doing our farm work in Australia and travelled Bali for one month. We lived like queens eating out at the most beautiful restaurants, Smoking apple tobacco from the shisha pipes, drinking long island ice teas, dancing in the cages in nightclubs, living in shacks made of bamboo, travelling with our gay friend Ryan who moaned about everything from there being too much ice cubes in his glass too not enough cheese on his nachos, going to see the temples in ubud, playing beer bong until 4am, me and Stacey going back to two musicians house having one night stands with them and trying to get back to our apartment at 5am. I smile when I think about these great times and two people that mean a lot to me. I know I have got such a great support system and these people would move heaven and earth to help me.
“Every little thing is going be okay…” I think to myself this anger I have built up inside me has to stop all I am doing is hurting myself. I am not hurting E, he is moving on with his life, wanting to hurt someone is just wasted emotion and he doesn’t deserve any emotion from me. The resent I have build up towards his family isn’t going to help me because they don’t care about how I feel and they are going to support their son.
Onwards and upwards.